You see these? Yeah, they’re real pieces of shit. Yeah, the Acer Aspire One. Unfortunately, mine is pink which makes it worse, well it’s not mine, but who would want their laptop in brown?! Yeah, so it can look like a piece of shit too, so you’re reminded every day how you wasted hundreds of dollars on something without a CD drive! All the Acers aspires me to do is take a huge diarrhea dump on them! The least they could do was ramp up the specs somewhere, but no they’re pulling the cute “it’s for my college notes” card. If it’s small and cute college students will eat it up. Kind of like kids and maybe that’s why the economy sucks. If you’re wondering why I’m ranting it’s because I had a weird system failure, and in succession, lost all my data. When things like this happened before I was able to recover data in some form, but thanks to no CD drive how is this possible? No Windows CD means using the built in the recovery system, and Acer had a serious brain fuck because they forgot the part where you can just reinstall Windows. Those Acer Aspire Assholes thought it would be cute to only let you reformat, so all your precious college notes are gone. At least the format process only takes about five minutes so you can finish before the class is over! Did I lose notes? No. Just some old pictures of family, ex-girlfriends, games, and some random files. Nothing too devastating, but it’s the principle of the thing right? I started up Shogo: Mobile Armor Division and BAM! It was a typical OpenGL graphics error that required a hard boot from games dating pre-2000. Blue screen after the Windows screen on Safe Mode, Last known good configuration. With no CD drive to just reinstall Windows, I was left with no option: Fn+Alt+F10. I hate that combination so much. It’s worse than Ctrl+Alt+Del! I mean that’s the most random button combination I have ever seen. It’s not even easy to remember! At least Ctrl+Alt+Del is in a row! After re-downloading my files and programs I’m back to normal, but with an empty HDD. I hate you Acer and always will.
On another note because of the Acers low specs, I am forced to start playing games dated about 2002 and back. This includes Diablo II, Baldur’s Gate II, Star Trek Voyager: Elite Force, Freelancer, System Shock 2, Deus Ex, Sanitarium, and you get the idea. Yeah, I never played those classics what of it? I never had a computer powerful enough to play those back in the day, so I’m about 10 years late. While games of old bring that warm fuzzy feeling to me they just piss me off because I feel like I’m going back in time saying “Why did you do that?! Levels of this suck! First person shooters should be the open world! Why so linear?! Enough with the top down hack & slash RPGs!”
Then I look around and realize I’m not in 1998, but 2009 where everything is commercialized and caters to children and MILFs. When I go back into this world of old and realize…maybe everything’s better repetitive, linear, and old. One thing that I do notice aside from the horrendous graphics, voice acting, and controls is the originality and love put into these games. You rarely get that these days, but almost every game back then was truly beautiful in terms of story, art design, and character design. Where did it all go? Probably up someone’s corporate ass and into the sewers of LittleBigPlanet (you’d only get that if you played the game >_>). Actually, scratch that. I’d rather have an elephant take a dump in my sandwich than have it shoved up my ass. I’d rather have a baboon hump my leg until it breaks and forces feed it down a whale vagina. I’d rather rip my eyeballs out and beat a horny llama’s large intestine then deal with the shit these days. What happened to Slime Time Live, Rugrats, creative toys, being able to ride your shit outside without getting killed, tasteful fashion, plethora of jobs, gas prices at 90 cents, Hot Wheels being cool when you’re 20, teachers caring about you on a personal level, the non fucked up Pepsi logo and Mountain Dew, not Mtn Dew, people having to write letters with passion and care instead of text messaging, Backstreet Boys being cool, the internet actually being interesting. The only thing I like about 2009 is that I have a caring beautiful girlfriend that I couldn’t get in the 90’s, but it’s like she came forward in time from that era because women like her don’t exist these days. Where are you 1990’s? We miss you.